I have a rebel heart. Yes, I am a Southerner, but that is not what I mean. My heart is incredibly rebellious. I know that this is not anything earth shattering, nor is it even remarkable; however, this piece of self-awareness has been quite important in my walk with God over the past few years.
My rebellion takes many forms-stubbornness, skepticism, selfishness, disquiet, dysfunction, decay and a host of other unpleasant things I don’t like to share when I am in the middle of them (I love to talk about when I have passed through them). In short, these are all attitudes that I adopt which are contrary to the peace of God that I know is my true portion.
I sometimes bristle at directives. Really, at its core, I don’t like being told what to do. Yes, earth shattering. I am special just like everybody else. But God knows me. In my conversations with God, I find that He assuages my rebel heart with questions.
In the past, my insecurities caused me to hate and fear questions. Questions made me think others doubted me. God has been kind to me in this place. When I go to Him with my complaints, concerns or even those days when I shake my fist and, ironically, demand that He tell me what to do, He responds with questions. Most often, it comes in that patient and fatherly query, “Well, what do you want to do?” Other times, He lets me in on what He is already doing and He invites me into it with a question like, “I am doing this thing over here, do you want to come along and do it with me?” There is purity His prompts. His questions draw me in and they draw me closer to His heart. I trust them because of His character. While I still feel loved and known, it becomes more about His heart rather than mine.
I find that when what I want to do is self-seeking, destructive or in line with the earlier mentioned ugliness, I am not at peace with doing what I want to do. I find peace in my answer when I begin to see God’s heart and character in it.
He asks me great questions.